The Matronly Lady, Nov. 3, 2022

Trouble in Lincoln, Nebraska. November 3rd, 2022

The Powder Blue Tuxedo Boys are in the Frolic Room having a few drinks at midnight. They see the above story on the CNN news.

Patrick: Of course, the New Yorkers would put news from the flyover country on at midnight.

Timothy: Have you heard about this theft of meat in Nebraska?

Patrick: Mexicanos from Miami! But who is the mastermind? The Matronly Lady who sits in her peacock chair with Fifi on her lap like Dr. Evil. She sings the Arby’s jingle. “We have the meats!!!”

Timothy: You mean the same Matronly Lady that watched our friend vomit on the banks of Salt Creek?

Patrick: The one and the same. Remember Fifi, her poodle, ate Mark’s puke.

Timothy: Not a happy sight.

Patrick: So now the Matronly Lady is in charge of a meat theft ring from semis using Mexicans from Miami. She retired there.

Timothy: But Fifi must be dead by now. That was 50 years ago on Salt Creek.

Patrick: The Matronly Lady keeps buying new white poodles and continuing to name them Fifi.

Timothy: She must be 90 by now at least.

Patrick: The Matronly Lady is 110. She stays young and alive by using the stolen meat money to buy Human Growth Hormones and the blood of fetuses.

The bartender comes by to give them another round of drinks.

Bartender: Another happy story from you two guys. Keep it up and I’ll die laughing.

Patrick and Timothy look at each other.

The cold winter wind howls outside on Hollywood Boulevard. The lights flicker as the power comes and goes.


2 thoughts on “The Matronly Lady, Nov. 3, 2022

  1. Blood of fetus. Sounds like a day-of-the-dead cocktail. Weird. Provocatively delicious. Based on a bloody Mary, served with a bite of pineapple and ham skewered on a cocktail toothpick.


  2. Now now can we be sure it is the same woman? Them under wire bras are amazing, that unless some broad like Nancy Pelosi tries to have one fit.


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