The Area 51 Job, August 30, 2022

Four Seasons Suite

Area 51 Shuttle

The Area 51 Job, August 30th, 2022

Powder Blue Tuxedo Boys

The Powder Blue Tuxedo Boys are in Las Vegas. They are staying at the Four Seasons Hotel atop the Mandalay Bay on the Las Vegas Strip across from McCarran Airport.

The boys are drinking from the mini-bar in their suite as they gaze through the full-length windows, drinks in hand, at the McCarran Airport across the street.

Patrick: So the gig is easy. We fly to Area 51 on one of those Boeing 737’s down there and do the job.

Timothy: Those 737’s are older than us.

Patrick: And just as airworthy.

Timothy: So what’s the gig?

Patrick: We go out to Area 51 and see the aliens, the extra-terrestrials that the military has been hiding since they crashed their spaceship in Roswell, New Mexico back in the fifties.

Timothy: So you take pictures and then we put a narrative together. Okay. Are the aliens friendly or the enemy? That’s always the basis of sci-fi movies.

Patrick: No. That’s the genius of the gig. We just say, “The aliens are dead. Their spaceship was destroyed. Nothing to see here. Problem solved.”

Timothy: And I suppose we say, “No alien distress signal was sent out. This isn’t like the movie ‘Alien’ “.

Patrick: That’s a great idea. We’ll put that in the press release.

Timothy: So we are going out there for a photo shoot with dead aliens and a bashed-up flying saucer at Area 51?

Patrick: You always were quick on the draw.


The next day at 6 AM Patrick and Timothy are hungover and going up the staircase into the ancient Boeing 737 at McCarran Airport. They get their seats about halfway back in the plane. Timothy insists on sitting on the aisle. So does Patrick:
“I’m not sitting in the middle seat!” So they sit across the aisle from each other.

The plane is full of military, scientists, the film crew, and some CIA-looking types. They all have bulges in their suits near the armpit.

The plane takes off and heads north for the short 45-minute flight across the desert to Area 51, the most secretive place on Earth.

Timothy: What? No beverage service on this flight?

Patrick: Timothy, the flight attendant has an M-4 carbine. I don’t think he’ll be serving drinks.

A few minutes before landing the pilot comes on the intercom:

Pilot: Please put away your cameras. The window shades will now be lowered.

The cabin is plunged into darkness as the window shades lower. A few passengers try and turn on the overhead lights, but they don’t work.

The huge soldier next to Patrick says to him:

Soldier: Your first time?

Patrick and Timothy exchange glances.

The plane lands and the boys, who are wearing their powder blue tuxedos; walk down the staircase into the 120F mid-morning heat of the desert.

The heat waves are rising from the concrete apron as the plane’s engines are shut down.

Patrick and Timothy climb into an air-conditioned van along with the camera crew and are driven across the base to a building that is mostly underground. Only the entrance is high enough to enter.

Patrick, Timothy, and their guides along with the film crew pack into two elevators and go down ten floors.

They are quickly taken to “The Room”.

Inside this room Patrick and Timothy gate upon alien life forms in plastic tubes of clear bubbling fluid.

Patrick: I saw this set in “Independence Day”. Who are they trying to kid?

Timothy: Well, the rubes won’t remember the movie, and besides; most Americans think “Independence Day” is a documentary.

Patrick: Do you think they still have the flying saucer from the movie, too?

The female guide in a lab coat who looks like Elizabeth Warren grabs her clipboard and gazing sternly at the Powder Blue Tuxedo Boys says:

Guide: You will please refrain from any movie references in your video shoot.

The CIA guy in the suit who looks like Alec Baldwin gets in front of Patrick and Timothy.

CIA Guy: You boys do your job and you get your money. You don’t and we have some bubbling fluid tubes for you.

Patrick: That seems clear enough.

Timothy: Roger Dodger.

The boys do the job. The quick 3-minute video is shown on all the news channels the next day.

MSNBC, CNN, FOX, NPR, NY Times, Washington Post, ABC, NBC, CBS… All the anchors say the same thing:

TV anchors, newspaper editors, and opinion columns:

“Today the secrets of Area 51 were finally revealed. The aliens many have talked about since Roswell, New Mexico are real, but pose no threat to Earth.”

Alex Jones and others in the alternative media immediately said it was all a hoax.

Alex Jones: Who are these two clowns in powder blue tuxedos? And what are they doing at Area 51. This is a psy-op to keep us all in the dark about the truth! Aliens are real!

At the CIA HQ everyone watches the Alex Jones show and others on alternative media eating up the “Aliens are harmless” bait.

CIA Guy: Mission accomplished. No one will believe these people again.


Meanwhile, Patrick and Timothy are back in their Four Seasons Suite eating crab legs and French fries while downing an expensive bottle of Champagne.

Patrick: The money is in our Cayman accounts.
Timothy: Mission accomplished. Can we go back to the Frolic Room now? I thought LA was hot. This is like being on the sun.

Patrick: I saw a memo at Area 51 I wasn’t supposed to see. Seems that the aliens come from the sun. They like the desert, gambling, and hookers.

Timothy: Well, that explains it.


Area 51

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