Amazon Germs, March 26, 2020
I watch this hysteria about this so-so virus and have to laugh. Very
few have died compared to the annual flu or heart disease or traffic
accidents or cancer in the USA and Europe. The death rate from the
Covid-19 is really low. Below 1% it is.
Now if you really want to see some germs, well you can’t see them,
but if you want to experience them; I suggest you go to Belem, Brazil
at the mouth of the Amazon River about two hundred miles south
of the equator.
Oh, the germs there are truly Amazonian in strength. I was there for
six months in the summer of 1990 and I had dysentery every day
and lost thirty pounds.
Some folks on the movie location caught amoebic dysentery. That’s
the really bad one. You have to fly back to America if you catch that,
or dengue fever. Ohhhh, that’s pretty bad, too.
There wasn’t any malaria on the movie set because the film
company bombed it with DDT before filming. (Oh, the horror!) And
the city of Belem itself was so polluted from the ethanol/gas
vehicles that even the insects couldn’t take it. But the micro
After the daily tropical rainstorm the puddles and drainage ditches
would soon turn green or yellow from the microorganisms
populating them. It was something to see.
Fortunately before I flew to Belem I had my shots including the
Gamma globulin shot. This shot in the ass with a big needle pumped
up my immune system like spinach for Popeye. It also gave me a lot
of energy, which I needed in Belem.
I still got dysentery every day. Sometimes it was several times a day.
I remember one time on the set it came on really bad so I went to
the latrine. As I squatted over the hole in the ground I looked up
and a tarantula the size of my hand crawled along the ceiling. I was
in too much pain to move, but I kept my eye on the critter.
And there was that guy at the Belem Airport. I thought he was
wearing gray socks. But no, he had gangrene in his legs. I swear. I
never saw so many people missing limbs as I did in Belem. There
was a famous beggar on the Presidente Avenida Vargas who didn’t
have arms or legs. He was just there on this stumps begging with
his mouth open in pain.
I always gave him some Cronks (that’s what we called the local
currency). Yeah, if you got a cut in the Amazon, the germs would
come in. I always felt my skin was way too thin while I was there.
And now Americans are panicked about some virus that does what?
Kill the old and infirm? I don’t see any dead folks in the streets or
hospitals. I don’t see the mortuaries overwhelmed with bodies.
All I see are zombies standing six feet apart and putting up with
losing their jobs and lively hoods. Not to mention losing their
wonderful educations in the government schools. And of course the
Real ID has been pushed back a year as well as the tax deadline.
See, some silver linings here.
In Belem I didn’t see any fat people. I didn’t see any old people. The
women outnumbered the men 8-1 because the male babies have
weaker immune systems. The germs rule Belem.
In Belem the men are pollinators. The women run the place.
So don’t go talking to me about some coronavirus pandemic.