Klaatu Barada Nikto

Klaatu Barada Nikto. February 22,2026

President Trump was having his usual McDonald’s Big Mac, large order of French fries, and a diet Coke when the aliens arrived on the South Lawn.

Trump: And who is disturbing my lunch out on the South Lawn?

Susie Wiles, Trump’s chief of staff (the gatekeeper), looked out onto the South Lawn.

Wiles: Looks like one of those damn alien spaceships again.

Trump: They better not damage the lawn. The green grass looks great when I get on the Marine helicopter. I always laugh as reporters shout questions over the noise of the chopper.

Wiles: The lawn is burnt to a crisp.

Trump: I’ll have to make a deal with these big-eyed bums from space. They owe me some grass.

The President finishes his lunch, then walks out onto the South Lawn to greet his alien visitors.

A tall, slim alien emerges from the spaceship.

Alien: Klaatu Barada Nikto.

Trump: Is this guy a Russian?

Wiles: No, Mr. President. This clown is from outer space.

Trump: Alien, do you own real estate? Maybe we can make a deal.

Alien: Klaatu Barada Nikto!

Trump: I’m not familiar with that real estate.

Alien: Klaatu Barada Nikto!

Wise: He’s an alien, Mr. President. Who knows if he owns his own house or hotels?

Trump: He sure doesn’t live in that flying tea cup.

Wiles: It’s called a flying saucer, Mr. President.

Trump: The top is where the deals are made. It looks like a teacup to me.

Alien: Klaatu Barada Nikto!

Trump: There you go again!

Wise: Very Reagan of you, Mr. President.

Alien: Klaatu Barada Nikto!

Trump: Are you selling cars from Poland?

Alien: Klaatu Barada Nikto!

Wise: I think we need a translator.

Trump: I can deal with this guy.

President Trump tries to wheel and deal with the alien. He first offers to sell West Virginia, but the Alien insists upon California.

Trump: Deal!

Alien: Klaatu Barada Nikto!

The alien returns inside of his spaceship and heads for Santa Monica.

Trump: I hope he brought his surfboard.

TJM