Pearly Gates

The Pearly Gates, May 13, 2025

I’s a always wondered why the gates were pearly,
I’s a thought surely,
They’d be made of gold.

St. Peter decidin’ if I’s a get in.
Me hopin’ he’s forgettin’
What he’s been told.

Chorus:

Life isn’t easy down here on Earth.
Wakin’ up next to a naked woman at birth.
Some guy slappin’ my ass.
Blood, screamin’, and succotash.

That’s life down here on planet Earth.
Soon found out what I’s was worth.
Worked hard all day long.
Same old song.

…

So, now I’m a waitin’ on ol’ Saint Peter.
He’s the heavenly greeter.
Up, down, I’s a goes.

I’d ask for a bottle of whisky.
But that is risky.
Soon ‘nough I’s a knows.

Still, if I’s a had to meet a greeter
I’d much sooner meeter
The Costco guy.

I’d walk the long shopping aisles
Fnd all the best buys.
To purify.

Chorus:

Life isn’t easy down here on Earth.
Wakin’ up next to a naked woman at birth.
Some guy slappin’ my ass.
Blood, screamin’, and succotash.

That’s life down here on planet Earth.
Soon found out what I’s was worth.
Worked hard all day long.
Same old song.

…

But here I’s is in line agins’
Weighed down by many sins.
Hopin’ to get in on grins.

St. Peter posted my name
It’s misspelled.
Will I’s a go to Heaven,
Or down to Hell?

The envelope is torn and frayed.
Looks like it’s been opened
By the CIA.

I’s a reckon that even at the Pearly Gates
Someone at Langley
Knows my fates.
TJM