Calipatria

Calipatria

August 31, 2024

The Powder Blue Tuxedo Boys are poolside at the Calipatria (which means “Homeland” in Spanish) Inn. It is 4 PM and 115 degrees Fahrenheit. Timothy and Patrick are wearing powder blue swimsuits, hotel shower shoes, sombreros, and wrap-around sunglasses. They are sitting under an umbrella and drinking Beck’s beers from icy mugs.

Patrick: The Serrano Pepper Festival starts tonight in the hotel’s bar. The Red Hot Chile Peppers are playing.

Timothy: You’re kidding? What are those guys doing at a podunk pepper fest like this one?

Patrick: They like peppers.

Timothy: Do you think our Serranos have a chance of winning the pepper taste-off tomorrow?

Patrick: Of course, we’ll win. Flea is a personal friend of mine.

Timothy: Why am I not surprised that you have a friend named Flea?

Patrick: Flea is a legend. He’s an actor as well as a musician. He played one of those nihilists in The Big Lebowski. He got hit with the bowling ball in the parking lot. He likes Serrano peppers.

Timothy: And the Red Hot Chile Peppers are the judges?

Patrick: Exactly! Once Flea picks our Serranos as the best, we’ll win for sure.

Timothy: I can’t wait to put that gold and copper pepper trophy up behind the bar at the Frolic Room.

Patrick: Damn! It is hot today. The air feels heavy. Must be because we are 180 feet below sea level.

Timothy: And yet dry as can be.

Patrick: Yeah, it’s a dry heat.

Timothy: Did you see the highest flagpole in the world on the town square? It’s 184 feet, so Old Glory is always waving above sea level.

Patrick: True. A bit of genius advertising there.

Timothy: But what if the tide comes in? Won’t the flag be underwater?

Patrick: You think too much.

Timothy: I still think we should present our peppers in full powder blue tuxedos, wearing sombreros, and with Serranos stuck up our noses.

Patrick: That would make a good impression, I think.

Timothy: Flea will love it.

Patrick: Just make sure you trim those wild nose hairs of yours.

The boys drink the afternoon away with the occasional dip in the pool to cool off. They nap and dream of their winning trophy for best Serrano peppers of California.

….
At sunset, they awake by the pool to a shaking of the ground. Noises of glass breaking come from the pool bar.

Patrick: It’s an earthquake!

Timothy: We need to get to higher ground.

Patrick: Head for the flagpole!

The powder blue tuxedo boys run out of the Inn and head for the town square. They shimmy up the flag pole to the top.

Timothy: It’s amazing how much traction these shower shoes have.

Patrick: They aren’t usually used for climbing gear.

A wall of seawater rushes into Calipatria.

The water climbs higher and higher up the flagpole.

Patrick: It would appear that the homeland is flooded.

Timothy: Calipatria is no more.

Two large children’s floating toys float by from the pool. They are unicorns. The PBTB grab them and hop aboard.

Timothy: Do you still have the peppers?

Patrick: In my sombrero.

The Powder Blue Tuxedo Boys paddle away atop their unicorns, wearing their sombreros into the sunset.
TJM