Exit Excrement

August 21, 2024

Exit Excrement, August 21, 2024

I live on a corner lot in a small town. Across the street from me on his corner lot, lives my odd neighbor.

My neighbor is a retired engineer. He’s short, wiry, and very hyper. My neighbor has a big house on a corner lot with two driveways, and yet, he continues to park one or sometimes both of his cars on my side of the street in front of the gate to my backyard.

My neighbor owns a red Mazda Miata convertible and a red Chevy Volt. He likes the color red in his cars.

My neighbor is always moving the cars back and forth. He washes them all the time. They are always spotless, but it irritates me that he continues to park in front of my gate. I’ve asked him a few times to park on his own side of the street or in one of his two driveways.

“It’s a public street. I can park here if I want.” It is always his reply, and he’s right.

…

Tuesday is free music night on the town’s public square. This is only three blocks away from my home. I can hear the music clearly. Some bands are better than others.

Tonight it was a Mexican band. Our town is 50% Hispanic. I like the Hispanics. They do most of the hard labor in our town, but they can be a bit messy.

At these events, they buy cotton candy, corn cob on a stick and other Mexican treats. The residue of these snacks tends to end up in my yard and on my sidewalk.
I’ve found eaten corn cobs on a stick, cotton candy, some food that I can’t recognize, and plenty of wrappers in my yard after these events. I’ve learned to go out at night, after they’ve gone home, to clean up any mess on my property,

Tonight, on the street next to my neighbor’s Chevy Volt, parked in front of my gate, was a pile of excrement. It was covered in soiled paper towels. I’d never seen that before.

I’d also never seen a dog use paper towels during the defecation process, so I figured it was human shit.

I had my broom with me and a trash can, but the devil in my ear said, “Just sweep the shit into the gutter in front of the Chevy’s right rear tire.”

So, that’s what I did.

When my neighbor starts up his car and drives away, the shit and paper towels will stick to his right rear tire like dog shit on a human shoe.

TJM