The Powder Blue Tuxedo Boys Return to Nebraska

June 29th, 2024

The Powder Blue Tuxedo Boys Return to Nebraska

June 29th, 2024

Patrick and Timothy have just landed in Omaha, Nebraska after their flight from Los Angeles. They rent a red Camaro convertible for the drive to Lincoln where they grew up.

Timothy: So we are on a trip of nostalgia to relive our youth.

Patrick: Sure, but RFD TV is paying us to revisit the town fairs of back then. They want us to compare today’s small town fairs with those of 1970.

Timothy: Okay. Which small town do we go to first?

Patrick: Ulysses. Remember what a great time we had there?

Timothy: I remember running for our lives to my Dad’s red Camaro convertible and high-tailing it for Lincoln.

Patrick: We won’t put that in the RFD TV video. No. We’ll just talk about the good times at the town fair before we were chased out of town.

Timothy: Do you think the folks in Ulysses will recognize us? We are wearing pretty much the same clothes. I’m in my Bermuda shorts, Madras shirt, and sandals, and you are wearing your black velvet leisure suit, black work boots, and wrap-around sunglasses.

Patrick: Naahhh! They only saw us that one night and it was dark.

Patrick and Timothy drive to the Cornhusker Hotel in Lincoln and check into the Presidential Suite.

Timothy: How did we get the big suite?

Patrick: I made it part of the deal with RFD TV. Get a good night’s sleep. Tomorrow afternoon, we drive to Ulysses.

The boys drive to Ulysses the next afternoon and park their red Camaro convertible rental in the same spot in the gravel parking lot as they did 50 years ago.

They amble into town and buy a couple of beers and Runzas at one of the food stalls at the fair.

Timothy: I forgot how good these Runzas are. Delicious!

Patrick: Yeah. The cabbage and onions with the hamburger also makes us fart like cows on a hot day. That’s why we rented the convertible.

Timothy: Speaking of cows, do you see what I see?

There on the marquee of the Ulysses Theater it says, “Milky Maidens Tonight 7 PM.”

Timothy: It can’t be.

Patrick: Last time we were here the act was The Cowbelles.

Timothy: Yeah. It was an all girl band dressed up in milk cow pattern mini-skirts, cowboy hats, and cowboy boots. Weren’t they all lesbians?

Patrick: Maybe…

Timothy: Yeah. Maybe…

Patrick and Timothy go into the Ulysses Theater to see the Milky Maidens play. The women, in their 40s, are dressed up in cow pattern cowgirl mini-skirts, cowboy hats, and cowboy boots.

One of the women in the band with curly black hair, points at Patrick and says: YOU! What are you doing back here?!? You lied to my mother! You said you’d get her and the band a big record deal at Capitol Records! You said it was a “done deal.”

Patrick: I…I…I played your Mom’s demo tape for the president of Capitol Records. He just didn’t go for the deal. I tried everything. I went everywhere in Los Angeles. I went to every radio station. I bribed DJs to play your Mom’s record. I swear!

Timothy: I told you not to wear the same outfit.

The woman onstage gets angrier: My name is Michelle. Yours is Mike Steel. My Mom named me after you! Guess why.

Patrick: I…I…I…

Another woman from the band with long blonde hair, walks out onstage and points at Timothy: YOU! I recognize those ridiculous Bermuda shorts and Madras shirt. You also promised my Mom that you’d get her a record deal in Los Angeles. She named me Angela after you.

Patrick: I told you not to wear the same clothes.

Timothy: I…I…I swear. I went to every nightclub in LA to sell your Mom’s record. I put it on the jukebox at the Frolic Room for all the big shots to hear when they came there for drinks. They didn’t like the songs. They told me to never play them again. I swear. I took your Mom’s songs everywhere in LA. I tried to get them turned into ad jingles for some kind of revenue. Nothing worked out. I swear!

Michelle and Angela stare at Timothy and Patrick: Well, do you want to meet our mothers?

Patrick and Timothy look at each other: Sure.

Michelle and Angela take the Powder Blue Tuxedo Boys backstage. There they see their former mates. The two 70 year old women look up at the boys and gasp. There are six little kids running around. Three have black curly hair and three have long blonde hair.

Patrick: Cynthia!

Timothy: Mona!

Cynthia and Mona nod their heads: We knew you two feckers would show up someday. You owe us back child support.

Patrick and Timothy look at each other: Sure, sure, just give us an account to wire the money to.

Michelle and Angela: So, you boys want to see your grandkids? Here they are.

Patrick and Timothy gasp: Egad!

They run for the exits and head down the hill at full gallop to the red Camaro convertible. They jump in over the doors and drive away in a cloud of dust.

Timothy: Well, this is another fine mess you’ve gotten us into.

Patrick: Just shut up and drive.

TJM