The Powder Blue Tuxedo Boys & The Gaza Script

June 20th, 2024

The Powder Blue Tuxedo Boys & The Gaza Script

June 20, 2024

It’s the last day of Spring and what a beautiful day it is in Los Angeles. It’s a sunny day with a light breeze and only 78 degrees.

The Powder Blue Tuxedo Boys are in their back booth at the Frolic Room by the jukebox as usual. It’s about 4 PM on Hollywood Boulevard. The boys are having their usual Becks beers and listening to “If I Were A Rich Man” from Fiddler on the Roof on the turntable.

Timothy: Why did you put this song on the jukebox? I thought we were rich with all that money in the Caymans.

Patrick: Just wait….

Patrick’s phone rings.

Patrick: Yeah. Sure. You know our fee. Okay. Where do we all meet? Okay. We’ll be there in 45 minutes.

Timothy looks at Patrick with the usual quizzical gaze.

Timothy: And…

Patrick: Let’s finish our beers. We are going to Warners Brothers Studios for a movie deal.

The boys finish their beers. Eddie offers them a lift over to Warner Brothers, as he has always wanted to see the place.

The trio goes through the front gate at Warners and are directed to one of the old bungalows from the 1930s where the writers would turn out screenplays by the score.

As Patrick, Timothy, and Eddie walk into the bungalow, there is a butler wearing a tuxedo who guides them to the pool in the backyard.

There the trio are surprised to see an Arab sheik, a studio executive, and three action movie actors; Arnold, Sylvester, and Mel. Arnold is wearing camo and smoking a cigar. So is Sylvester. Mel is wearing a black velvet leisure suit and wrap around sunglasses.

Patrick is also wearing his black velvet leisure suit and wrap around sunglasses. Timothy is wearing his usual Madras shirt, Bermuda shorts, and sandals. Eddie wears plaid. He always wears plaid for some reason.

The eight of them sit around a long table next to the pool.

Studio Exec: I’ll get right to the point. Sheik Mohammed wants to make an action movie about the Gaza situation. The Sheik is willing to put up a billion dollars for the movie production, and he wants Arnold, Sly, and Mel in the movie and you two bozos to write the script. I have no idea why.

Sheik: I think the Powder Blue Tuxedo Boys are funny. They are very popular in Riyadh and Tehran. The Ayatollah and I often laugh at their antics.

Patrick: So, Sheik, you want us to make the Gazans heroes?

Studio Exec: The Sheik wants our action trio here to go into Gaza and kick some Israeli butt.

Timothy: I thought Ben was dead?

Patrick: Not Ben Gazzara. That’s not what they are talking about. It’s Gaza, you know, Hamas.

Arnold: What is hummus?

Sly: It’s garbanzo beans.

Mel: Don’t eat them, Arnold. You have record farts as it is.

Arnold: Ya. When I eat Bratwurst and fart, I can clear a room. I can fart all day.

Timothy: So there’s poison gas involved.

Patrick: No! Hamas are the bad guys fighting the Zionist bad guys. The Gazans are caught in the middle.

Timothy: Ahh, so our action trio here goes into Gaza and saves women and children from hummus and Zion. Is that like the Ion channel on TV?

Eddie: I like the sound of this.

Arnold: Who let you out of the Frolic Room?

Sly: So, lots of helicopters, we drop down ropes into Gaza and kick ass.

Mel: And I get to seduce a beautiful Gazan woman while saving her children from the hummus and the Ion Channel.

Studio Exec: Yeah, that’s the script idea.

Sheik: Yes, Inshallah Allah, if the Prophet wishes it.
Patrick: The money will be wired to our account?

Sheik: Yes.

Timothy: I don’t see a problem.

Mel: Patrick, do you have to keep copying my wardrobe? You look ridiculous.

Patrick: Not as ridiculous as I’m going to make you in the script.

Mel: I take it all back. Wear my wardrobe. I’ll change mine.

Sly: Well, I’m sure as hell not gonna wear those Bermuda shorts and a Madras shirt.

Timothy: You will in the movie.

Studio Exec: I like it!

Sheik: So do I.

Sly: Oh, shit.

Arnold: I shall go undercover in the movie as an Arab.

Patrick: Is this a comedy?

Sheik: I think Arnold would look good in a burnous.

Studio Exec: Okay, gentlemen. That concludes the meeting. Send us the script as soon as possible.

Eddie: Can I get a bit part?

All in unison: NO!

Arnold: We need you at the Frolic Room.

Eddie removes his face mask. He is The Donald! Donald pulls out a can of bear spray.

Donald: You’re gonna make a movie against my friends and backers? No. You’re gonna looooose!

Donald starts spraying the bear spray at them all. They all dive in the pool and submerge to avoid the fumes.

Donald goes out of the bungalow and drives away in Eddie’s car.

The three actors, the studio exec, sheik, and the powder blue tuxedo boys all swim to the shallow end of the pool. They stand and look at each other, soaking wet.

Patrick: So, is the deal still on?

Sheik, studio exec, Arnold, Sly, and Mel in unison: You betcha!

TJM