The PBTB in Texas

June 1, 2024

The Powder Blue Tuxedo Boys in Texas: June1, 2024

The Powder Blue Tuxedo Boys have woken up in Texas. They are dressed in powder blue cowboy outfits. But they aren’t together. They are both in old western bars, have a beer in front of them at the bar, and yet, still have their cell phones.

Patrick looks around and sees a sign saying “Rose’s Cantina”. The clientele is wearing cowboy gear with a Spanish flavor and many speak Spanish. Patrick finds that he can understand the language and speak it.

Timothy looks around the bar he’s in and sees a sign saying “Agua Fria”. The folks in the bar are dressed like Texas cowboys. Some are playing poker. All are drinking.

A cowboy comes up to Timothy and asks, “How you doing, Texas Red?”

Timothy, “Oh, that Red Texas Chili is too hot for me. It upsets my stomach and gives me bad gas.”

The cowboy walks away perplexed.

…

Patrick drinks his beer at Rose’s Cantina. A pretty waitress walks up to Patrick and says her name is Felina. She likes Patrick and massages his Happy Place.

Patrick calls Timothy on his cell phone.

Patrick: Timothy! I’m in some Mexican place called Rose’s Cantina. Some hot waitress just became very friendly.

Timothy: I’m in some cowboy bar and I think a cowboy thought I was Texas Red. Whoever he is.

Patrick: What’s the name of the place?

Timothy: Agua Fria.

Patrick: That means “Cold Water.”

Timothy: How do you know that? You don’t speak Spanish.

Patrick: I do now. Oh, wait, some tough looking vaquero just came into the place and he’s headed for me.

Timothy continues to hear on the phone as Patrick and the vaquero get into an argument over Felina. A gunshot is heard.

Timothy: What happened?

Patrick: The guy pulled a gun on me so I plugged him. I think he’s dead.

Timothy: You better get outta there and never go back.

Patrick: Go where? The Frolic Room? I’m in fucking Texas!

Timothy: Find a horse, a fast horse, and ride!

Patrick: This isn’t the Kentucky Derby here.

…

Timothy drinks his beer at the bar. The saloon doors swing open and in comes a big man with a big gun on his hip.

Ranger: I’m an Arizona Ranger and I’ve come here to kill Texas Red.

Timothy: So you don’t like the chili either?

Ranger: I’ve come to kill you Texas Red. Meet me on the street.

Timothy: But I don’t even like chili.

The Ranger walks out of the saloon onto the street. Timothy walks outside to talk to him. Timothy is wearing a gun in a holster. It has notches on it.

Timothy thinks to himself, “Gee, this costume sure is authentic.”

…

Patrick rides away on a fast horse, but the horse soon wants to go back to the barn behind Rose’s Cantina. Patrick tries to control the horse by yanking on the reins, but he’s no equestrian. The horse goes where it wants and soon enough, Patrick is in front of Rose’s Cantina again.

A group of men that were friends of the dead man Patrick shot, all start shooting at Patrick. He feels the lead pierce his chest and falls to the ground.

Felina runs out and kisses Patrick. Then she takes his money and cell phone and goes back into the Cantina.

….

Timothy stands in the dirt street about forty paces from the Ranger.

Ranger: It’s your move.

Timothy: Oh, this is a duel. You want me to draw on you. Cool. This is all so authentic.
Timothy draws his gun and before his gun clears leather, the Ranger has put a bullet in Timothy’s heart.

….

Eddie: Wake up! How many beers did you boys have? And why is Marty Robbins playing on the juke box?

TJM