Powder Blue Tuxedo Boys;

The Irish Biden Job: April, 14th, 2023

The Powder Blue Tuxedo Boys
Biden in Ireland Job
April 14th, 2023

It’s another cold rainy day in Los Angeles. The north wind is howling. It is only 60 degrees as the wind blows fallen palm tree leaves down Hollywood Boulevard outside of the Frolic Room.

Patrick and Timothy are in their usual seats at the bar. It’s 3:30 PM. Eddie the bartender has given them the usual Becks beers. Eddie is playing “Come and Get Your Love” by Redbone on the jukebox.

Patrick: Do you think this damned cold winter is ever going to end?

Timothy: I’ll have to check my carbon credit scorecard.

Patrick: Why are you still wearing those ridiculous Bermuda shorts? Your legs look like a chicken skin advertisement.

Timothy: Why are you still wearing those wrap-around sunglasses? Are you doing Stevie Wonder impressions for tourist money at the Chinese Theater?

Patrick: We may both be performing there for the tourists if we don’t get a job soon.

Patrick’s phone rings:

Patrick: Yeah. Pause. Hunter, we don’t supply your usual pastimes. Pause. You’re kidding? Pause. You know our fee? Pause. Okay. Give us 30 minutes and I’ll text you back.

Timothy looks at Patrick quizzically.
Patrick: Quit looking at me quizzically. You know I hate that word and you look like an idiot when you raise raise your eyebrow.

Timothy: So….

Patrick: It was Hunter Biden calling from Ireland. His Dad has been making a fool of himself over there on the Old Sod. Hunter wants us to write a quick script for The Big Guy to say to the Irish press in a pub. He’s only taken questions from kids so far.

Timothy: Yeah. I saw that fiasco. Biden even took a kid’s airplane. His answers to the children’s questions were gibberish and embarrassing. You could see the adults cringe.

Patrick: At least he didn’t get Uncle Joe friendly with them.

Timothy: Biden thinks he’s Irish right? So we make up some story about one of his ancestors creating a family code of honor and righteousness that Biden still follows.

Patrick: Sure. A total fabrication. The Irish will love it.

Timothy: And Joe will believe it.

Patrick: So Biden says, “My great-grandparents grew up in a little thatched cottage by a small stream in Ireland.”

Timothy: Yes. Don’t mention the county and make it easy to fact-check it. Keep it general.

Patrick continues: “My great-grandparents were very poor. The landowner took their donkey as rent payment. They could no longer go to the pub. They missed that. It broke their hearts as the pub was too far away for them to walk.”

Timothy continues: “So they drank tea by the peat fire in their little cottage. They had to sell the children to buy potatoes to eat. But they lived to a ripe old age.”

Patrick continues: “This story was passed down to my grandfather and father. So I learned that tea is good. Potatoes are good. Children can be useful.”

Timothy concludes: “Damn this beer tastes good!”

Patrick: I’ll text it right away.

The boys quietly drink their beers. Patrick’s phone rings.

Patrick: Yeah. Pause. Great. You know we only take cash now? Pause. Great. We’ll be here.

Timothy: Money shows up tomorrow here at 3:30?

Patrick: Yeah.

Fin