At Mar-a-Lago. August 9th, 2022
The Blue Tuxedo Boys from Los Angeles are holed up in the pool house at Mar-a-Lago. Donald Trump has invited them to his huge estate in Florida to write his speech announcing that Trump is running for President in 2024.
The boys are at the poolside bar drinking as they go over speech ideas.
Patrick: I have no ideas.
Timothy: I have no idea why we are here and not back in LA at the Tiki-Ti Bar drinking Mai-Tai’s.
Patrick: Trump promised us a lot of money for this speech. We have to come up with something.
Timothy: We start with a joke.
Patrick: Yeah. Trump starts his speech in a Russian accent: “Da! Comrades! We will make the workers supreme in our Mother Land! We will destroy the bourgeoise and redeem our birthright.”
Timothy: Do you think Trump can carry off a Russian accent?
Patrick: Probably not. He can’t even carry off a Queens New York accent. You got anything?
Timothy: He starts off with the martyr act: “The Democrats have vilified me. Lied about me. Spied on me. And I’ve cried. Oh, how I’ve cried with Melania by my side. Why am I hated so much? What have I done to deserve these attacks?
I have fought for you my fellow Americans. And they hate me for it. The Democrats want to keep you in bondage forever. They want you paying high taxes and high prices for fuel and food. They want you to shiver in the winter and sweat in the summer. They want to destroy the value of your money.
The Democrats want you to suffer.
I want you to survive and thrive and that is why I am running for President!”
Patrick: Well, I can’t see Trump crying about anything. Maybe whining about a missed putt.
Timothy: We can take out the crying part. Melania cries, not Trump.
Patrick: Much better. The crying wife, “What have they done to my man? He’s a good husband and father. He provides for us and is kind.”
Timothy: I don’t think Melania will even show up for the speech.
The boys hear a commotion coming from the front gate of Mar-a-Lago. FBI agents are everywhere. One comes to the pool and sees the boys.
FBI agent: Who are you two? Let’s see some ID.
Patrick and Timothy show their Tiki-Ti Preferred Members cards.
FBI agent: Drivers licenses, please.
Patrick: We don’t drive.
Timothy: We don’t believe in the burning of fossil fuels, officer. We want to save the planet.
FBI agent (sighs). Why are you wearing powder blue tuxedos?
Patrick: Donald Trump has a strict dress code here at Mar-a-Lago.
FBI agent: Stay here and don’t leave the pool area.
Timothy: You are being redundant, officer.
FBI agent: Don’t you dare call me retarded! I’ve got my eye on you two powder blue clowns.
The FBI agent searches the bar area and leaves.
Patrick: Time to go.
The boys finish their drinks and head for the beach. A Zodiac is waiting.
They get aboard and Pepe fires up the Evinrude. They head out to sea.
Pepe: Señors, where do you wish to go?
Patrick: How far can we go?
Pepe: Oh, señor, as you asked, I bring plenty of fuel.
Timothy: Can we make it to Havana? I’ve always wanted to see Havana.
Pepe: Si señor. No problema.
Patrick: Did you bring the Cuban cigars, Pepe, and the rum?
Pepe: Si. You will find them in the bag.
Timothy gets out the bottle of rum, three glasses and three cigars. The three men light up the cigars, pour themselves a drink, and head south at high speed for Havana.
Patrick: What do you think? Will we get paid?
Timothy: I just texted our speech to Trump Jr. He wrote back already. The money has been deposited in our accounts in the Caymans.
Pepe: Does this mean a bonus for me?
Patrick: Pepe, we make it to Havana and I’ll make sure you get a bonus.
The Evinrude hums along at full throttle as the sun rises in the east. The boys can see to the west the FBI agents all over Mar-a-Lago like ants on a pile of honey.
They look at each other and smile.