The Powder Blue Tuxedo Boys Go to Tahiti
October 28th, 2025
It’s a beautiful autumn afternoon in Los Angeles. The Powder Blue Tuxedo Boys are in their usual booth at the Frolic Room on Hollywood Boulevard. They are drinking Beck’s Beers. “Vahine Tahiti” is playing on the jukebox.
On the TV above the bar, the TV anchor announces the theft of the crown jewels from the Louvre Museum in Paris. The thieves got away with the loot.
Patrick: I bet those jewels are worth a lot of money.
Timothy: They could be paste for all we know.
The next story on the television:
TV anchorman: We remain in France for the next news story. President Emmanuel Macron has resigned as president of France. He says that he and his wife will retire from public life to their beach chateau in Tahiti.
Patrick: Macron stole the jewels. He’s probably hidden them in his mansion in Tahiti.
Timothy: Makes sense. Do you want to go get them?
Patrick: Macron and his wife?
Timothy: No. The crown jewels.
Patrick: You said they might be paste.
Timothy: Then the Louvre will want their fake jewels back. Maybe the jewels were sold by Napoleon long ago. Hell, he sold Louisiana to Thomas Jefferson.
Patrick: Maybe the real jewels are at Monticello.
Timothy: I doubt if the jewels are in Jello. You could see them. Jello is translucent.
Patrick: We’ll go to Tahiti. Find our way into the Macron Chateau. Find the jewels and escape. The Louvre will want them back, paste or real.
Timothy: Okay. I’ve always wanted to go to Tahiti. I still have my Elle Decor credentials. We could pretend to be doing a photo shoot. I’ll be the writer and you pretend to take photographs.
Patrick: Good idea. Macron is a vain Frenchman who wants to show off his house.
Timothy: Is it true that Macron’s wife is a man?
Patrick: Don’t know and don’t care to find out.
…
The Powder Blue Tuxedo Boys fly to Tahiti. They are wearing their powder blue tropical outfits. Powder blue shorts, Hawaiian shirts, pith helmets, flip flops, and powder blue rimmed sunglasses with golden lenses.
When they get off the plane, they are greeted by seven beautiful Tahitian women dancing while wearing grass skirts and coconut bras.
Patrick: What a lovely bunch of coconuts.
Timothy: Isn’t Tahiti where the famous painter Paul Gauguin lived and painted the Tahitian women?
Patrick: Yes. And they also gave him syphilis. Wear a condom at all times.
The boys check into their hotel. They have an appointment the next afternoon at the Macron Chateau to start their photo shoot for Elle Decor.
…
The next day, Patrick and Timothy take a cab out to the Macron chateau. Emmanuel Macron welcomes them into his house.
Macron: You may photograph anywhere, but not in the wine cellar. Some of my wines are over 200 years old, and I do not want thieves to know about them.
Macron leaves the room. Patrick starts taking photos of the foyer and living room. Timothy writes notes.
Patrick: It’s obvious that the jewels are in the wine cellar.
Timothy: Yeah, but where in the wine cellar?
Patrick: Macron said he had wines over 200 years old. That would be the diamond jubilee of the Napoleon Era. Macron is another short shit Napoleon. The jewels will be in a bottle of 1821 wine.
Timothy: Makes sense, but the tiara won’t fit in a wine bottle.
Patrick: The tiara will be in the freezer. Diamonds on ice, as it were.
Timothy: Macron has an odd sense of humor.
Patrick: Do you have the getaway plan in place?
Timothy: Of course. The two outrigger canoes with paddlers will be on the beach in thirty minutes.
Patrick: I hope you found some strong paddlers.
Timothy: Only the best for us.
Patrick and Timothy set off smoke bombs on the second floor of the mansion. Smoke alarms go off. Chaos ensues. The Powder Blue Tuxedo Boys hurry down to the wine cellar. They find the bottle of 1821 port with the jewels. The tiara is in the freezer next to the wine bar.
Patrick stuffs the loot into a powder blue velvet sack. The boys make a run for the beach and the outrigger canoes.
Security guards see them running away. Macron yells from the balcony, “Get those powder blue morons! They are thieves!”
At the beach, eight paddlers in two outrigger canoes await the Powder Blue Tuxedo Boys. The paddlers are huge men dressed in powder blue sarongs with the Los Angeles Chargers football team logo printed on them.
Patrick jumps into one canoe and Timothy into the other. Patrick hits the play button on the boom box at the bottom of the canoe. Patrick turns the volume on max as the boom box plays “Vahine Tahiti”. The paddlers dig deep with their paddles into the sea as the canoes speed away.
The two outrigger canoes headed off west into the sunset. No one ever saw Timothy and Patrick again.
…
There are rumors and conspiracy theories that two men matching the Powder Blue Tuxedo Boys descriptions showed up at a bank in the Cayman Islands. They put a powder blue velvet bag in a safety deposit box.
That same day, eight very large men were seen in a local Cayman Island bar. Two abandoned outrigger canoes were found on the beach.
TJM and PK
Timmy Tae's Thoughts 