The Powder Blue Tuxedo Boys & The Chimps

The Powder Blue Tuxedo Boys & The Chimps

October 16th, 2025

It’s a beautiful, clear blue sky day in Los Angeles. The recent rains have cleaned the air and streets. Swimming and surfing have been banned at local beaches due to homeless effluent.

The Powder Blue Tuxedo Boys are in their usual booth at the Frolic Room on Hollywood Boulevard. They are drinking Beck’s Beers. “Hey, Hey, We’re the Monkees” is playing on the jukebox.

Patrick’s phone rings.

Patrick: Yeah…what?…when?…how much?…okay, we’ll be there.

Timothy: And…

Patrick: It was Simon Cowell, the talent judge of America’s Got Talent. He wants us to work with a chimpanzee act. The chimps, called The Chimps, are going to play the Monkees theme song while one of us supposedly sings and the other conducts The Chimps.

Timothy: So, we are reduced to doing a chimpanzee act. Oh, how did it come to this?

Eddie: Because you guys are such fuckups.

Patrick: Thanks for the support, Eddie. You were part of those fuckups.

Eddie: I still have nightmares. I think I have PTSD.
Timothy: Well, I’m not singing, and besides, you look a lot more like Mickey Dolenz than me.

Patrick: Davey Jones was the main singer.

Timothy: Again, you look more like him.

Patrick: Okay, you conduct The Chimps band, and I’ll pretend to sing. We have to be at the Pantages Theater at 4 PM tomorrow.

Timothy: That’s easy. It’s next to the Frolic Room. I always liked the Pantages. They had the Academy Awards there back in the day.

Patrick: Let’s not bring up our Oscars hosting jobs. We are still wanted men in West Hollywood.

Timothy: All men are wanted in West Hollywood. I always taped my ass shut when I went there.

Patrick: The pay is good, and Simon says the chimps are well-trained. They are even potty-trained.

Eddie: But you guys aren’t.

Patrick: Thanks again for the support, Eddie.

…

The next day, the Powder Blue Tuxedo Boys are in their powder blue tuxedos as they go backstage at the Pantages Theater. The chimp trainer introduces The Chimps.

Chimp Trainer: The drummer is Angus. The guitarist is Stewart, and the bassist is Rufus. We’ve dressed them in black tuxedoes for the show.

Patrick: Can they really play?

Chimp Trainer: Of course not. Can you really sing? It’s all dubbed. Timothy, try not to scare the chimps while you are supposedly conducting. No threatening movements.

Timothy: No worries. I always carry bananas with me.

Patrick: That explains so much.

…

It’s showtime. The crowd is excited as it fills the Pantages Theater. Terry Crews, the America’s Got Talent emcee, gets the crowd all pumped up for The Chimps.

The three chimps wearing black tuxedos are holding their respective guitar, bass, and drumsticks. Timothy gives the downbeat signal with his baton. The theme song of The Monkees goes out over the speakers as Patrick pretends to sing and the chimps bang away on their instruments.

Timothy gets into the swing of things and starts swinging his baton wildly up and down. The Chimp Trainer is yelling from the wings, “No! No! No! Do not threaten the chimps!”

The chimpanzees get angry. They throw down their various instruments and head for Timothy and Patrick, who quickly run offstage.

Then the chimps see the beautiful Sofia Vergara, who is one of the judges. They move in to mate. Simon and Howie Mandel try to intervene. The Chimps easily throw them aside. Patrick and Timothy flee the building.

…

What happened next on national TV is still put up on the Internet, no matter how many times YouTube takes it down.

Sofia Vergara retired from show business. She is rumored to have her own little zoo on her ranch outside of Los Angeles. Neighbors say they can hear chimpanzees there. The local grocer delivers several bunches of bananas to Vergara’s ranch every week.

…

Back at the Frolic Room, Patrick and Timothy are in their booth drinking Beck’s. “Hey, Hey, We’re the Monkees” is playing on the jukebox.

Patrick: We got paid a bonus. The ratings for “The Chimps” episode of America’s Got Talent went astronomical.

Timothy: That’s great, but the experience has put me off bananas.

Patrick: Don’t you dare put in a banana peel joke here.

Timothy: Slapstick is a slippery slope.

Fin
TJM and PK