Harry Thurston Peck, Harpers Dictionary of Classical Antiquities (1898): Troglodytae,（Τρωγλοδύται, “dwellers in caves”). A name applied by the Greek geographers to various uncivilized people who had no abodes but caves, especially to the inhabitants of the western coast of the Red Sea, along the shores of Upper Egypt and Aethiopia (Herod.iv. 183). The Troglodytae of the west coast of the Red Sea are described by Agatharchides as a barbarous people, who wore little clothing, had wives in common, and put to death the aged and infirm. They lived on the produce of their flocks and herds. In the Periplus the Ethiopian Troglodytae are described as of a wild appearance and swifter than horses. This swiftness of foot is noticed also by Herodotus as characterizing the Ethiopian Troglodytae, and is said to be still a characteristic of the cavedwellers in the same district. Herodotus adds that their language was like the twittering of bats, and that their food consisted of lizards and other reptiles.
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The Powder Blue Tuxedo Boys Meet The Trog(g)s, July 31, 2025
It’s a hot July afternoon in Los Angeles. The Powder Blue Tuxedo Boys are in their booth at The Frolic Room, drinking Beck’s Beers. Wild Thing by The Troggs is playing on the jukebox.
Patrick: Ursula von der Leyen, the head of the EU,
has asked us to search for the remaining troglodytes.
Timothy: Refresh my memory, are those the ones that hang from the ceiling of the cave? Or pop up from the floor?
Patrick: Those are stalactites and stalagmites.
Timothy: You’re really proud of your trip to Carlsbad Caverns. I heard you trashed the place when you spent the night in the cave.
Patrick: I woke up and thought I saw Troglodytes coming for me. So I pulled out my .45 and started shooting.
Timothy: And you blew up all the stalactites and stalagmites.
Patrick: The Park Service built new ones out of epoxy and some paint. They look better than the real ones.
Eddie: I think there is a whiskey called Trog Grog.
Timothy: Thanks, Eddie. That’s very helpful. All we need is to get these wild Trogs drunk and get eaten by them.
Patrick: Ursula the Ugly wants us to fly to Khartoum and go by camel across the desert to the Troglodyte Caves on the Red Sea. She wants us to bring back a Trog female. Our guide, Babu, will meet us in Khartoum with the camels.
Timothy: Isn’t Sudan a war zone?
Patrick: So? We get a bonus.
…
The Powder Blue Tuxedo Boys land in Khartoum. They are wearing powder blue linen suits and pith helmets. Babu meets them at the airport, then drives them to his tent on the edge of the desert.
Babu: Have you ridden a camel before?
Patrick: We’ve saddled a few humpies.
Timothy: With varying results. But we haven’t been bucked off yet.
The next day, the trio rides the camels east across the desert to the Red Sea caves of the Troglodytes.
A huge, hairy Trog comes out of a cave and sees the trio. Babu decides to leave. He takes his camels with him.
Patrick: Now what?
Timothy: I brought some Trog Grog. Maybe that might calm him down.
Timothy gives the Trog a flask of Trog Grog. The Trog drinks it empty in one gulp and passes out.
Patrick: Well, that worked. Now we just have to find a female.
Timothy: They are all so hairy and ugly. Who can tell the difference?
Patrick: Look over there.
A Trog is speaking loud bat noises to a larger Trog. The larger Trog cringes and starts collecting firewood.
Timothy: The smaller Trog is obviously a female.
The boys walk over, give her a flask of Trog Grog, and she passes out.
Patrick: Now what?
Timothy: We’ll take some blood from her. Ursula the Ugly just wants her DNA.
Patrick: I’ll use the satellite phone to tell Ursula to pick us up.
A helicopter lands within minutes and collects the Powder Blue Tuxedo Boys and the vial of female Troglodyte blood.
Patrick: And why couldn’t we have just ridden a helicopter here?
Timothy: Ursula the Ugly probably had Babu film us on the camels.
Scene shifts to Ursula von der Leyen in her office in Brussels. She is laughing her ass off watching the Powder Blue Tuxedo Boys riding camels across the desert.
The helicopter takes Patrick and Timothy to a private jet parked in the desert. The jet takes off and lands in Zurich. Ursula the Ugly meets the jet.
Ursula: You have the female Trog blood?
Patrick hands over the vial.
Timothy: What the hell are you going to do with that?
Ursula: Ve Vill genetically engineer a new human. A stronger, stupider, human who vill do vhat ve tell them. “And zey vill die at sixty vhen zey are no longer useful to us.” Your fees have been paid.
…
The boys are back in the Frolic Room drinking Beck’s Beers. The Troggs are still playing “Wild Thing” on the jukebox.
Timothy: So, what did you put in the blood vial you gave Ursula?
Patrick: Some blood from one of our camels.
Timothy: That might help humans with their bladder problems.
Patrick: And women might have bigger humps.
Timothy: It’s a win-win.
Fin
PK & TJM
Timmy Tae's Thoughts 