The Powder Blue Tuxedo Boys Meet Jesus

The Powder Blue Tuxedo Boys Meet Jesus

May 29th, 2025

The scene is the Frolic Room. It’s a beautiful afternoon in Los Angeles. The Powder Blue Tuxedo Boys are in their booth, drinking Beck’s Beers.

Eddie: Timothy, I’ve heard that water in Healdy costs a fortune. It’s my understanding that you now just hang out here for the free tap water.

Timothy: Hey, Patrick, can you do a quick bottle design, like you did for Angel Heart Ale?

Patrick: I like this idea. We can bottle LA water in a fancy “recyclable” bottle and make a killing when the seasonal costs for water go through the roof in Sonoma. 

Timothy: We’ll call it “LaLa WaWa”.

Patrick: Perfect! I can work with that.

Eddie: No pictures of me, please.

Patrick: Hey Eddie, do you still have that dumpster full of Becks empty?

Eddie: Hell you’re going on your third Beck’s dumpster.

Patrick: Chiquita Margarita from Boyle Heights has a garage full of recyclable plastic bottles she tried to pawn off during the pandemic. We can get the whole garage full for free if we pick them up ourselves 

Timothy: Well however we decide to go, Patrick just get going on the label art and we’ll smooth out the details later. 

Eddie: Hey, remember me? Do I get a cut outta this scam?

Patrick and Timothy give Eddie a blank look.

Patrick’s phone rings: “Si… comprende ‘no agua, no dinero’, si…no dams, no agua, si…no problema…adios.

Patrick: that was Chico up at our Campos Chihuahua pot farm in Sonoma County. He says the farm needs water. The Eel River dams are being taken out.

Patrick: I have a plan.

…

Patrick and Timothy are at their Campos Chihuahua Medical Marijuana farm in northern Sonoma County. There are huge water tanker trucks in the yard by the bottling plant. Crates of empty plastic bottles from Chiquita Margarita sit on the ground waiting to be filled with LaLa WaWa. The first shipment of filled water bottles is headed for San Francisco.

Timothy: We’re gonna make millions.

Patrick: Mayor Bass wanted her 10% of the net to let us take water from the Pacific Palisades Reservoir.

Timothy: It’s the cost of doing business.

Patrick: Did you taste a bottle of LaLa WaWa? It tastes kinda funny.

Timothy: Yeah. There’s a hint of a Margarita flavor and something else.

An hour later, 100 cops of all types and a SWAT team descend on Campos Chihuahua. Turns out that the plastic bottles from Boyle Heights had traces of Fentanyl in them. The boys are perp walked and led away to prison at Alcatraz.

…

Patrick: At least we have adjoining cells. Do you still have Eddie’s phone number memorized? He has a cousin, Jesus, who knows the plumbing of this place.

Timothy: His name is Jesus, and he’s a plumber?

Patrick: He changed his name to “Jesus Saves,” and his company is called “Jesus Saves your pipes.”

Timothy calls Eddie. An hour later, Jesus sends Timothy a text telling him that they should both go to the shower cell tonight.

Patrick: Well, it is our day of the week for showers. What’s the plan?

Timothy: Don’t know.

The boys are escorted by a guard to the shower cell. They strip and get into the shower. The guard locks the cell door.

Guard: Now you boys behave. Lord, my eyes! You look like two Pillsbury doughboys. I can’t stand it. I’ll be back in ten minutes.

The guard leaves.

Patrick: What was that?

Timothy: What is it this time?

Patrick: I heard a voice coming from the drain.

Jesus: Turn off the damned aqua! I’m getting soaked.

The boys turn off the shower as Jesus lifts the drain grate.

Jesus: C’mon! Let’s go.

Timothy and Patrick climb down the steel rungs into the sewer pipe.

Patrick: Oh, this is great. We get to crawl naked through Al Capone’s decades old shit.

Jesus leads the boys through the sewer pipe to the outlet on San Francisco Bay.

Timothy: I hope you have a boat?

Jesus: No. I walked over here.

Timothy and Patrick look at each other.

Jesus: The Zodiac is just around the corner. It’s only a 25-yard swim.

Patrick: What about sharks?

Jesus: You are covered in Al Capone’s old shit. Nothing is going to eat you.

The boys make the swim to the Zodiac. In the Zodiac are two pairs of powder blue coveralls with “Jesus Saves” in large red letters on the back.
The Zodiac takes them to shore at Pier 39.

Timothy: Now what?

Jesus: There is money in the pockets of your coveralls. My job is done. You’ve been saved.

Timothy and Patrick look at each other.

In unison, they say: John Foley’s Irish House!

Fin

PK & TJM