Powder Blue Alcatraz

Alcatraz in Powder Blue. May 6th, 2025

It’s a gray, cloudy day in Los Angeles. The Powder Blue Tuxedo Boys are, as usual, in their booth at the Frolic Room, sipping on Beck’s beers. Patrick’s phone rings…

Patrick: Hello. …Alcatraz? Really?… You want a show?… Okay. You know the fee. Send it to our Swiss bank account. Give us a couple of days…. Talk to you then.

Timothy: Who was that?

Patrick: Susie Wiles, Trump’s Chief of Staff. Trump is going to reopen Alcatraz federal prison, and she wants us to emcee the show when Trump announces his plan at Alcatraz.

Timothy: Wiles is the Wicked Witch of the West Wing.

Patrick: True, but she’s paying us $100,000 each. That’s serious Swiss bells trolling money.

Timothy: More like Swiss bells tolling money. The Swiss bankers charge us a fortune for our secret account.

Patrick: Let’s hope the Swiss don’t take our deposits and turn them into suppositories. They take everything up the ass.

Timothy: They are so anal and tight with a buck, I’m surprised anything gets in and out of there.

…

The big day arrives at Alcatraz. It’s a beautiful spring day on San Francisco Bay. A huge banner hangs over the gate to Alcatraz prison: “MAKE THE ROCK GREAT AGAIN!”

The Powder Blue Tuxedo Boys are in their tuxedos. They are at the podium.

Patrick: Welcome, ladies and gentlemen.

Timothy: Welcome to the Rock!

Patrick: And welcome, President Trump!

Trump walks up to the podium to some applause and many boos.

Trump: Today, I am announcing the plans to reopen Alcatraz prison. This fine symbol of American justice and the scene of many successful movies. Hollywood is a wonderful thing.

The prisoners that will be held here are some of the most dangerous illegal aliens in our country. Criminals let into our homeland by the previous administration of Joe Biden. These are Biden’s criminals, and we will put them here, on the Rock!

More boos and applause.

Trump: We have brought a dozen of these hardened, tattooed gangsters to Alcatraz today. They will swim, and they all know how to swim. They swam across the Rio Grande to invade our country. They will swim from here to San Francisco. The swimmer who makes it to shore wins a Green Card. I believe in giving people a chance at success, a chance to reform themselves.
Trump leaves the podium and gives interviews to the media. He answers questions and then takes the media on a tour of the prison. Patrick and Timothy tag along.

Outside Alcatraz, the criminals wearing cut-off blue jean shorts, sunglasses, and caps, head off swimming into the bay. The swimmers are escorted by boats carrying US Marshals and ICE Agents.

Inside the main prison house, one of Trump’s Secret Service agents gets a message on his earpiece.

SS Agent: Mr. President, the swimmers are on their way.

Trump: When they are 100 yards out, have the US Marshals and ICE agents start chumming the water. I want the criminals and sharks close enough to the cameras to put on a show.

In the bay, the message is related to the Marshals and ICE agents. They start dumping buckets of bloody fish heads and other offal around the swimmers.

The sharks soon appear and a feeding frenzy begins. The media cameras, and the helicopters catch it all in a live broadcast.

Inside the prison, Trump goes into one of the old cells to show the media what is in store for the Illegal alien criminals. Rachel Mad Cow goes into the cell with him, asking difficult questions.

Mad Cow: Mr. President. This prison was shut down in the 1960s because of corrosion from the salty air and the high costs of bringing in supplies and personnel to the prison.

Trump: We are going to build a tunnel to the mainland to solve those issues. The prison will be completely rebuilt with the latest technology. The tunnels will allow easy access for supplies and personnel.

Patrick: Isn’t it the prisoner’s job to build the tunnels?

Timothy: Prisoners are excellent tunnel builders.

Susie Wise (Trump’s chief of staff) gives the PBTB the Evil Eye.

Trump ignores the question and comment. Then whispers to Susie, “Who are those powder blue wise asses?”

Trump goes back to answering Mad Cow’s questions. Suddenly, the doors to all the cells close with a metallic bang.

Maddow and Trump are locked in a cell together.

The Powder Blue Tuxedo Boys are standing next to the jail locking lever. They dust off the locking lever’s rust from their hands.

Patrick: Are the hidden cameras on in the cell?

Timothy looks at his smartphone: Yep. We’ve got a good picture and audio.

Patrick: This will be the best reality TV show in history!

Timothy & Patrick: Kaching!

PK & TJM