The Summer Oscars

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cutouts

The Summer Oscars, August 7th, 2020

In the year Covid One, our heroes Patrick & Timothy are asked to host the Summer Oscar Award Ceremony.

These two old hippies in their powder blue tuxedoes have won numerous best screenplay awards in the past. They have often fled the stage after winning those awards so they were surprised to get the call from the Academy to host the awards show.

Academy: We love you boys and would love to have you host the Summer Oscars in New York City at the Radio City Music Hall.

Patrick: Are you kidding?

Academy: You boys in your powder blue tuxedoes get the highest views on our YouTube clips and folks seem to like you.

Timothy: What’s the catch?

Academy: The Awards show will be in New York City at the Radio City Music Hall.

Patrick: Great venue. But we thought NYC was all locked down my Mayor Blasnot.

Academy: True, but we will put you up at the Four Seasons. You will get a limousine for all of your travel needs. We’ll fly you first class from LA to NYC.

Timothy: Great. But what about the audience?

Academy: We’ll have cutouts of famous actors in the seats. We’ll even have cutouts of the orchestra sitting in the orchestra pit with their instruments.

Patrick: Will you use sexbots to give us the envelopes and awards?

Academy laughing: This is why we want you to do the awards show. Funny stuff.

……

The boys in blue take the job and fly to NYC. A limo takes them to the event, but Patrick has arranged a surprise or two.

In the limo:

Timothy: You really got two ostriches backstage?

Patrick: Sure. I just went over to the Bronx Zoo, spread some money, and we get our two ostriches and a zoo employee to care for them.

Timothy: And you think we can ride them onstage?

Patrick: Of course! You saw “Swiss Family Robinson” just like me as a kid. No problem.

Timothy: Do we get saddles?

Patrick: You and your details. Just relax for a change.

…..

It’s the opening moments of the Summer Oscars. Music blares and lights flare. The announcer intones the upcoming event.

The camera pans the auditorium showing the cutouts of happy beautiful smiling celebrities in the red velvet seats.

The curtain opens and Patrick and Timothy come onstage on their ostriches. The boys are wearing their usual powder blue tuxedoes and white ruffled shirts.

Patrick dismounts, gives the ostrich a beer can to guzzle and announces: Tonight from New York it’s Saturday Night Live!
Timothy: Dude! This is the Oscars.

Timothy also dismounts and gives his ostrich an egg. Which the ostrich runs offstage with in his mouth.

The farce continues. Sexbots do come out with the envelopes and Oscars. Fake applause and of course fake laughter for the duo’s bad jokes comes out of the audience’s TV speakers.

The TV camera shows a cutout of a happy celebrity with its Oscar in hand in the audience after winning.

Finally after three hours of this act Patrick and Timothy are dead on their feet and need a drink or ten.

Patrick whistles and the ostriches come back onstage. The two boys in blue climb on their backs and ride away into the sunset.

TJM

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2 thoughts on “The Summer Oscars

  1. I have or should have written a screenplay, but then the world has the two of you.
    Mine would be: The Back Seat of a Buick. Set in the Starlight Drive In Theater.
    Beyond The Valley of The Dolls dimly projected on the far off screen with the sound crackling through the zinc die cast speaker box dangling off its frayed cord.
    Nervous but sure of the wonders that would be sure to be reveled. (fade to black)

    Like

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